Refuse To Settle

I’ve come to understand that “what is” and “what is supposed to be” often aren’t the same thing. I’ve watched too many people get worn down in the process (which I totally understand) and lower their standards, give up hope, and settle for “this is just the way it is.” Lately, I’ve seen many thought leaders and influencers minimize God’s capacity, ability, or willingness to align with the experiences they see so many having.

“If this is the way it is for so many, AND He’s meeting them here, this must be how God designed it to be. Anything more seems too much, too legalistic, too hard—like striving.”

While my heart breaks for those in the process, and I know how exhausting it is to be in the in-between, there’s something inside of me (probably the Holy Spirit) that comforts but refuses to lay down. It refuses to water down hope. It refuses to simplify what freedom looks like. It refuses to give in to our experience just because it hasn’t been seen yet. It refuses to expect less from God simply because it’s taking longer than expected.

When the promise takes so long to come through that you start to question it, you begin reframing a promise as just a desire:

• Maybe I’m not promised to get married; I just really want to.

• Maybe a good sex life just isn’t for me and my spouse.

• Maybe we don’t need so much, and our family could survive on a lot less.

• Maybe I’m too picky about what I thought would happen.

• Maybe this was more of a passion project and not really a calling He would back up.

Or we settle for knowing He could—but we question if He will. In the absence of answers, we create alternative explanations for why it hasn’t happened yet:

• I know He could heal me, but maybe that’s not in His plan.

• I know He could set me free from pornography, but maybe I deserve this struggle because of the choices I made.

• I know He could take away my same-sex attraction, but maybe this is my cross to bear.

• I know He could —— but maybe He’s trying to teach me a lesson.

This is where I’ve seen different streams of Christianity respond so differently to unanswered or possibly delayed prayers.

I’ve watched Bible believers double down and search the Scriptures. They come back with technicalities: “Technically, God never promised me __________ scripturally, so therefore, I shouldn’t expect that from Him.” This is a solid foundation in the Logos—the written Word of God—that we must always return to. But it sometimes neglects the Rhema—the spoken Word of God that the Holy Spirit gives us for specific situations (Matthew 4:4). (Note: The Rhema never contradicts the Logos. There are written rights and wrongs, and God will never approve of something verbally that He has declared sin for 2,000 years.) Also, just because something wasn’t specifically recorded in Scripture doesn’t mean it isn’t possible or probable for Jesus to do (John 21:25). The Bible is the foundation, not the ceiling, of what God can and will do.

I’ve watched charismatics isolate from the pain and just keep “naming and claiming” or declaring in the name of Jesus. While this sometimes pushes us through, it can remove the intimacy and bond between us and Jesus in the process. Remember, Jesus still cried with Mary and Martha, even knowing Lazarus would be resurrected. He joined them in their pain and grief and moved with them to the other side (John 11:33-44). This approach can also place expectations on God to do things a certain way: We proclaim, and it happens. But sometimes, He likes to mix it up for various reasons—just look at how many different ways He healed blind people in the Bible.

I’ve watched more reserved streams find peace in a simpler life: “I’ve learned to be content in all things” (Philippians 4:11-13). This is beautiful and absolutely necessary, but perhaps this contentment sometimes turns into complacency—causing us to stop short of receiving everything He paid for. We settle in and stop taking ground in the Kingdom simply because our homestead is set up.

I get it. I’ve participated in all of the above while trying to make sense of the “why not?” or the “why not yet?”

One of the hardest parts of the process is giving up the need for a reason why it didn’t happen. We crave an answer for our pain—so we can fix it, blame it, pray for it, pray against it, or at least have something to tell people.

I don’t always know why.

I once heard Bill Johnson say that God is so good at redeeming painful things that people often confuse Him as the cause of them. He’s so good at cleaning up, healing, and making good come from pain that we assume that was the reason for the delay. In fact, it’s easy not only to blame God for it, but also to hold onto the lesson learned as if that were the end goal.

It’s so easy for us to give up on His original intent for humanity’s good and best. We get discouraged that it’s taking so long, resign ourselves to the reality of a broken, sinful world, or latch onto the lesson learned in the waiting—as if that was all we were meant to receive.

Elisabeth Elliot once said, “Don’t dig up in the dark what you planted in the light.”

I’ll be honest—I’m worn down. I’m exhausted. I remember the fervor and intensity I once had in believing that goodness was coming. “I know He’ll come through” wasn’t something I had to force myself to say—it was an obvious statement from my soul when I was deep in His presence, where the light was so bright.

Now, I find myself waking in the middle of the night to cries of desperation and uncertainty. It’s disorienting and tiring.

But I know it’s still the night.

Dawn will come.

I just have to believe there’s more that He is willing and capable of. I don’t always know why not now or why not yet, but I know His heart, and I know He’s not done.

Therefore, I must refuse discouragement.
I must refuse to give in.
I must refuse to make Him small.
I must refuse to rewrite His character based on my experience.
I must refuse to believe He’s forgotten or gotten distracted.
I must refuse to simplify His promises to my level of attainability.

I must simply refuse to settle.

We must refuse to settle.

I created merch with the message “Refuse to Settle”—not as a marketing ploy, but as a visual reminder to wear what I’m fighting for. Feel free to join me in wearing it, or download the wallpaper for free.